人間の弱さ。。

你好吗？

2011-01-21T20:53:00.002Z

今天上课的时候我想到你了....我很想跟你说。。很想问你。你好吗？
这么多年了
当时你一路走得好吗？现在有没有幸福，有没有快乐？
有没有吃饱？有没有吃好吃的？有没有想念我们？
有没有哪里不舒服？有没有很平安？

fafa 这几年你好吗？你一定要很好！

恨不能健忘

2010-06-13T22:29:00.005+01:00

忘れられないと思ってなかった
できると思った
わすれったと信じた
結局、実は忘れていませんでした
六年も過ぎた
なぜ忘れない
あの時の痛み、今日また感じていた

次の世もし女の子が好きになったら
必ずあなたと付き合う
約束する
そう言いました

何を言ってるの？
約束は簡単に言えるな？
約束の意味なんかわかりますか？
ばかだろ！

ばかだ
いりませんよ、あなたの約束

そんな言葉を聴いたらどうすればいいの、どう考えればいいの。。急にわからなくなった
落ち着かない
あなた何の反応が欲しい？何の答えが聞きたい？

这几年来....

2010-05-05T21:39:00.004+01:00

这几年来，我好像变了。。
我的心情沉重了
继续为自己的理想努力，可是却很容易就累了
很多几年前做过的事，曾经玩在一起的朋友，现在我可能连名字也记不起来了
算一算五年也快要过去，这五年发生了很多
我的生活变了，要好的亲人离开了，思想变了，脾气变了，笑容变了
就算我多不想承认都不行
虽然发生了很多可是我总觉得这五年我不是我
某人告诉世界每天都在变，人没有变是不可能的，为什么要为了改变而觉得懊恼
也对。没什么了不起
我很庆幸一直到现在很多事可能都不一样了，可是我人生的宗旨没有变，目标没有变。。我只想用我的生命和力量带给他们鼓励，勇气和希望
我不会放弃，一直都不会
因为当我们再见面的时候我要告诉你我做到了，你会很骄傲吧。。
还要告诉你是你让我更相信这个世界真的有上帝，因为没有任何力量能够安排我们的这种相遇
我解释不了，是神叫你来的吧。。我祈祷着你也相信

2010-01-23T15:40:00.004Z

Indifference

2010-01-16T16:10:00.004Z

没有期待就不会有失望
对于一些人和事或许我真的不应该再抱有任何期望了
如果做不到就做不到，没什么了不起的
真的不用太勉强

どうでもいいを言いたかった。今は言えないけど、必ず何時か言えます。
あなたに
かれが怒っても自分の立場は変わりません。怒れば。。

We know. but still.....

2010-01-12T00:45:00.002Z

We all know that there will always be a way out to things, there will always be a way. It all depends on whether we want to accept that way out, adapt to it and move on. However, many times, as humans we refuse, we refuse to take the way out, we refuse to believe that there is a way. We refuse to forget about the past and move on.

why,why is that?

匿名的好友

2010-01-12T00:32:00.001Z

匿名的好友
獨送昏暗不離的風
為何你被愛
那股激動天色好紅
溫柔好濃在胸口浮現你的面容
也許我們當時年紀真的太小
從那懵懵懂懂走進各自天空
該怎么說讓彼此選擇
當思念還轉動

不能握的手
從此匿名的朋友
其實我的執著依然執著
與你無關淚自行吸收
不能握的手
卻比親人更親厚
當所有如果都沒有如果
只有失去的溫柔最溫柔

这世上没有如果，只有事实。

无意间。。

2008-04-08T19:20:00.003+01:00

一首很旧的歌。。让我有所感慨
我们是不是都在期待着别人给的掌声呢？
与其等待着别人给的掌声。。不如在等待的同时先给自己加油吧。。

掌声响起

孤独站在这舞台
听到掌声响起来
我的心中有无限感慨
多少青春不在
多少情怀已更改
我还拥有你的爱
好像初次的舞台
听到第一声喝采
我的眼泪忍不住掉下来
经过多少失败
经过多少等等
告诉自己要忍耐
掌声响起来我心更明白
你的爱将与我同在
掌声响起来我心更明白
歌声交会你我的爱
掌声响起来我心更明白
你的爱将与我同在
掌声响起来我心更明白
歌声交会你我的爱

haha...what truth..

2008-03-31T17:40:00.001+01:00

Your dating personality profile:

Stylish - You do not lack for fashion sense. Style matters. You wouldn't want to be seen with someone who doesn't care about his appearance.
Outgoing - You can liven up any party. You've got a way with people and have little difficulty charming your dates.
Sensual - You are not particularly shy when it comes to your sexuality. You know what you like and do not feel inhibited.

Your date match profile:

Intellectual - You seek out intelligence. Idle chit-chat is not what you are after. You prefer your date who can stimulate your mind.
Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life.
Adventurous - You are looking for someone who is willing to try new things and experience life to its fullest. You need a companion who encourages you to take risks and do exciting things.

Your Top Ten Traits

1. Stylish
2. Outgoing
3. Sensual
4. Liberal
5. Adventurous
6. Religious
7. Big-Hearted
8. Intellectual
9. Wealthy/Ambitious
10. Traditional

Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Intellectual
2. Religious
3. Adventurous
4. Practical
5. Outgoing
6. Stylish
7. Conservative
8. Big-Hearted
9. Athletic
10. Wealthy/Ambitious

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

Am I normal?

2008-03-31T17:15:00.000+01:00

You Are 55% Normal

While some of your behavior is quite normal...

Other things you do are downright strange

You've got a little of your freak going on

But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

How man am I?

2008-03-31T17:11:00.000+01:00

Your Brain is 53% Female, 47% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female

You are both sensitive and savvy

Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed

But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

After so many years

2008-03-22T17:13:00.002Z

yet....i still dont seem to be able to let my brain take control.

To be honest, I am ashamed of my incapabilities to forget. what to do?

It's not pure luck or hard work anymore.....

2008-02-16T05:01:00.002Z

Neither is it intelligence.......that have brought you this far....Have u realised that?

Your life is not about YOU.....Its not about YOU alone, because you alone with your brains and your so-called determination would not have made you what you think you are today and would not have given you a life. Who are you to comment about the brain capacity of others when you learn to become better only by observing thier flaws?

Have you ever thought of that?

January 25_我吃的盐比你吃的米还多。。吃这么咸做什么？

2008-01-31T00:20:00.001Z

我曾经收过一封信。。信上有一句是这么写的。。。

你在外面交朋友要小心。。我吃的盐比你吃的米还多咯。。。可是吃这么咸做什么？哈哈

写信的人很小白对吧。。这是一封6年前给我的信。。早已忘记它的存在。。一直到最近有人又把这封信读了给我听。。告诉我信里有一句是这样写着的。。想了想仿佛隐隐约约的记起好象真的有读过。。。只有你会写出这样小白的东西吧。。屁股王。poot....。而也只有我会觉得你的这种笑话很好笑吧。。

是我没有办法保护你。。

我会打你的我告诉你。。你最好跟我好好的。

January 16_Slap the shit out of ME pls

2008-01-31T00:19:00.001Z

Screwed.

I have to apologise for this bad language....but i need to vent!!!!!.....it seems like my Puny Brain is failing me...I definitely hope this is not the truth but........okie maybe there is holes in the brain....mayb there is like fenestration and filtration slits and things just leave it...as soon as they enter....this must be it....I have fenestrated brains!!!!! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG MAJIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..............!!!!! I need luck alot of luck. Alot indeed.

The thing is that .....i feel so unworthy of any sympathy...GOSH! i need a tight slap as well i think.

December 31_今はただ、目の前の道。ゆっくりと進んでゆく

2008-01-31T00:17:00.002Z

中幸介。。最近好きになった歌手です。。

今日まで知らなかった。。彼は鹿児島からの人です。。やっぱり九州の人は歌うのがうまいですよね。。

好き。。中幸介の声が。。なんか。。穏やかな声だよね。。。水を流れてるの時するな音と似てます。。。わかる？

初めて聞くとすぐ好きになったうたです。。音楽も歌詞もすごくいいと思います

“種を蒔く日々があって　水をやる日々があって　いつか見えるんだ　希望という芽が”　

聞くと感動しましたよ！！何にこれぇぇえ。。。

種をまく日々　中幸介　　

いつもの町の　いつもの風景に
モノクロの風が　吹いている
微かに香る　躊躇いのカケラに
心のどこか　揺れている

だけどいつでも自分を信じて
変わる時代の中　変わらずにいれたら

種を蒔く日々があって　水をやる日々があって
いつか見えるんだ　希望という芽が
躓いた日々があって　前を向く日々があって
いつか見えるんだ　未知なる蕾が
今はただ　目の前の道
ゆっくりと進んでゆく

昨日と変わらぬ今日だったとしても
きっと何かが　変わっている

明日に繋がる　全ての意味を
少しずつでいい　この胸に刻んで

種を蒔く日々があって　水をやる日々があって
いつか見えるんだ　僕らの未来が
晴れ渡る日々があって　雨が降る日々があって
いつか見えるんだ　虹色の未来が
今はただ　目の前の道
ゆっくりと進んでゆく

遠く　遠く　続いてゆく
僕らの生きる道
重なり合って　繋がりあって
いつかは一面に　笑顔の花が咲く

種を蒔く日々があって　水をやる日々があって
いつか見えるんだ　僕らの未来が
立ち止まる日々があって　答え探す日があって
いつか笑うんだ　優しく笑うんだ
今はただ　目の前の道
僕らは進んでゆく

December 26_年が終わるけど。。私たちはこれからです！

2008-01-31T00:17:00.001Z

もうすぐ。。。２００７年がおわてしまったんだ。。早いですね。。もうううう。。。。２００８年だよ！！

待ってますって言うより複雑な感じです。。２００８の登場に。。

この一年間。。良かったです。頭は成長したかどうかわからないですけど。。心や視野も確かに広くなりました。。

２００７年は。。非常に辛いな一年間です。。。辛いけど、悪くない。。辛いだから。。もっと頑張りたい。。力がくれました。。まぁぁ。。くれたかな？

それと。。いろんなことに迷ってたけど。。結局はやっぱり。。今の自分にとって一番大切なものは何で巣か。。とわかってきました。

だから。。もう。。迷わない。っていうか。。迷うわけないです。。

来年はもっともっと。。頑張りたいです。。自分の目標に近ずきたいです。。諦めないです。。どんな事と人に会うでも．．私は私のままで前に進みます。。それと。。時間の流れは誰のためにでも止まれないだから、後悔するようにしないでください。今年もよろしくね！

December 24_我的笑脸

2008-01-31T00:16:00.001Z

今天才发觉。。。喜欢玩游戏的人那么多。。。喜欢看戏的人更多呀。。

我不喜欢玩游戏也没有多余的时间和不值得的人玩游戏。。更不想演戏给别人看。。。要玩的，请滚远一点。。要看的请自己去演。。

这种游戏。。小时候玩多了。。所以现在自以为友善一点，无所谓。。会让三分。。。

可是啊。。越变越离谱。。越变越过分。。好好反省一下哦！我不想撕破脸。

如果看了这番话。。。你感觉有点不对。。没关系。。就算说的是你。。我还是会对你很好的。

Long hair is gone. you may come back.

2008-01-31T00:15:00.001Z

Sitting here in my tiny, dirty, mesy room, looking out of the window, I can only see one pathetic view, the foggy misty cloudy skies of England. Apart from staring out of the window, most of my time is then spent either staring at this little computer screen, watching some taiwan drama series that I have no idea what they are rambling about but still watching because I think the male lead is cute or lying in bed dreaming about what is for dinner. Then, I start to wonder, is it the view outside that is pathetic or issit me....Well its probably both.

After convincing myself that I am an absolute shame, I decided to go one step further by posing a question to myself. Have I chosen the right path? This is a stupid question and the only reason why I ask myself, is to try to reflect on my life decisions these 24 years to show that I have actually achieve something or shall I say that it is an excuse for me to doubt my decisions and to complain about life in general.

Creative but What a shame really.....what a shame.

A very random comment but for those who claim that they know me well but still love to say that I am smart, intellingent and clever..please think wisely again. I will be more than happy to hear something less superficial than that. Thus if you are unable to give more insighful statements about me.. please do not attempt to try. Here I am talking about people who claim they know me well....for those who dont, it doesnt matter...

There is something different about me the past few months. To my suprise, I realise that I have actively been trying to dismiss the truth that I am not in anyways simple or weak because I wanted to become a milder person and see if I could meet people of a different sort. And I am sure you believe me when I say it was to my suprise...

First, I tried to think that everything should be simple. EVERYTHING. Second, I convinced myself that I could not handle and showed extreme dislike for people with weird intentions or people who tried to challenge my intentions. Third, I think I tried to be nice and attempted to please everyone. Actually to my suprise as well... I wanted to think I was only 15.

I am fortunately or unfortunately none of the above. I probably have also tried to convince myself and others that my purpose in life is to be happy and rich. But this are complete lies. Being rich or living each day blissfully alone will not satisfy me. Or shall I say, I define blissful and happiness in a different way. And I need now to get these definitions back on track before I screw things further.

All these resulted in me becoming extremely undecisive and easily affected by comments from others and have no brain of my own....All because I wanted to change my strong personality to become someone more mild and approachable. Bye to that image, its not my favourite and it will never be.

If you could read between the lines, you probably have already realised I am not very approchable neither am I frail or undemanding. Well having said that, there are things that I want to keep simple in life and there are things that I don't mind letting nature take its course. But I think I need to now realise that everything can be kept simple and everything can wait for fate to enlighten me....but it must not in anyways compromise my work and my ambition. These are 2 very separate entities that should never be mixed with other components in my life.

Conclusion is seriously, I think its the long hair....

Good news is....long hair is gone.

December 23_屁的量词是什么？

2008-01-31T00:13:00.000Z

我也就是这样吧。。什么事都拖拖拉拉的。能拖多久就拖多久。。有时我都觉得自己太恐怖了！

还有啊！。。我肚子好痛哦！！就快要死掉了。。是吃太多巧克力和一些有的没的所以吧。。！如果肚子痛得掉下来，如果我睡觉睡一个月。。如果，如果，如果。。。如果。屁

我好怕！！！！！！！可不可以有谁会握着我的手叫我醒醒。。不要怕！！！都几岁人了还这么白痴。。可是啊！！可是啊。。可是。。可是。。可是。。。个屁。。

December 09_岁月不留人啊。。

2008-01-31T00:12:00.001Z

何年間を立ってしまったのですか。。

昔の写真を見ると、時間たつのは早いですと思ってしまった。あの時の写真の中の私は、今と違ったかな？

考えてと。。怖いです

実は、年取ったのは、あたしの顔だけじゃない。。。心です。。

疲れてるけど認めたくない。。

自分の弱さに負けたくない

けど必ず。。いつか負けるかな？

やっぱ。。負けない。。強くなるしかない。。私も逃げたくないです。。。

現実を見て、捨てたの時間をわすれって。。残るの時間を今から良く使っていく

December 06_Happy Birthday 屁股王。。

2008-01-31T00:11:00.000Z

12月6号。。是你的生日。。你记得吗？

去年你说。。等我回来后你会请我吃大餐的。。你还记得吗？

sumarlin告诉我说。。不要有事没事就打扰你。。你现在过得很好。。我应该知道的。。。sumarlin你还记得吧？那个你很喜欢的，很有你的心的那个我的好朋友。。

对于很多人，我都可以放弃。。对于很多事情我都可以从伤痛中好起来。。而且可以好得很快。。可是就只有你，我一直很想念。。一直放不下。。

认识你的第一年。。你的生日我们是在韩国的一个滑雪度假屋度过的。那时。。我买了一个蛋糕给你。。是一个suprise party，你穿着睡衣走进来。。很意外，很高兴。。也很感动。。之后。。你还在去韩国的相簿里画了一张生日卡片给自己。你还很自豪。。让我笑了半天。。我当时发现。。你能从简简单单里找到快乐让我也很想跟你一样。。也许是因为跟你相处久了。。所以我现在也变得那么天真了。。

跟着下来每一年你的生日。。我们都一起度过了。。我最喜欢送你的就是羊的玩具。。你还会把它这里方一个那里放一个。。。唯有我去日本的那年。。。还有去年我们没有一起过。。

你知道，我也很想请你吃大餐的。。还有也很想买那条你喜欢的montblanc皮带给你。我想跟你一起去supermarket买一些有的没有的东西然后回家被人骂。。我想一起去买tau suan..一起去吃汤圆。。一起抢喝一杯killineykopitiam的咖啡。。我也想像以前那样手牵手去shopping。。。。为什么我们认识的时间那么的短。。

我今年的生日少了你。。家里没有人再为我吹气球，把整个屋子装饰的象什么3岁小孩的生日一样了。。以前你每次这么做的时候。。我都会不让你吹因为怕会让你太劳累。。可是心里还是觉得挺好玩的。。结果会变成我们两个一起吹。。是你让我有勇气把自己像小孩的一面展现出来。。可是你怎么这么快就不要我了。。

我很脆弱吧。。而有了你之后。。我变得更依赖你。。家里什么事情你都会帮我处理。。。你每次告诉人家。。“他就是每次这样粘着我。。什么都要我帮他做。。什么都不会。。又这么肮脏。。长得又不漂亮。。怎样嫁得出去。。"

然后。。我会很自以为了不起的说。。“屁股。。！我放屁给你问咯！”我这些说话的习惯和动作都是因为你才发明的咯！。。现在已经变成我的习惯了。。你要我怎么办。。

也没能怎么办啦。。我知道你也只希望我能够达成我自己的目标。。那我也只能这样做咯。。多么伤心也是于事无补的。。哭到眼睛掉出来。。。只会越变越丑。。也不会让时间倒流的咯。。。坦然地对待自己的悲伤。。然后和它一起共存才是最好的吧！

もう頑張るしかないですよね。。。必ず頑張りますよ。。待っててね！

誕生日おめでとうございます。。私の中でいつも生きているのあなた

December 04_Tell me something I want to hear....

2008-01-31T00:10:00.000Z

There is definitely something wrong with my brains.....its gone...

the speed i am reading is so slow...i feel like a turtle...

Apart from the ischemic brain

I m suffering from this wisdom tooth growing pain....which i have no idea why it is happening since i m not exactly that young.

Issit because i keep lying that i am 20 years old recently..

DAMN DAMN DAMN.....I hope i m a witch!

November 29_我看了，心中一阵莫名的痛。

2008-01-31T00:08:00.000Z

今天auntiejean对我说，不要读了啦。。回来做工啦。。

不要浪费你的时间。。我的金钱。。

回来随便找个工做着就算了咯！！看你这样不读书。。迟早也会被踢出来的啦！

听了。。我觉得很好笑。。baka jyanai desuka!!!!

November 27_そうかな？

2008-01-31T00:07:00.000Z

男は守るべきものがいると強くなる。。。

女は一人になってつよくなるだ。。

そうなんですか？

男人变得坚强是因为有要守护的东西或人。。。

女人是因为自己一个人才会越变越坚强。。

majidesuka?

hehe

November 24_もう一度。。ありがとうございます

2008-01-31T00:05:00.000Z

いろいろ経験した見たいの私は。。やっぱりまだまだ単純です。

自信満々で、いつも大丈夫とがんがん言うわたし。。結局は本当にだいじょうぶですか？

どうしていつも簡単に。。ほかのひとからきずさせてくるなの？自分を守れないです。。２３歳なのに。。自分の心をまもれないですか？

可笑しいです。頭悪い？

人の前に強くて、頭良くて。。何でも良くできるみたいですけど。。本当の私何にができるですか。。

よく迷ってるし

すぐ人を信じるし

やさしいだから皆も優しくしてくれるとかってに思っていますし

すぐ許す、すぐ忘れるです

だからほかの人に騙されるじゃなくって、ただすぐまじめにあなたのことを思わないだけです。。

そんなことを書くと情けないと思わないですか。。思うよね確かに。。だけど。。今の私は以上のままです。。

バカにしないで。。ただやさしいだけ。。。ただ単純だけ。。ただ複雑じゃないだけ。。ただ嘘つかないだけ。。

そんな私を大事にしてくれないなら出ってくれ！

出ってください。。

そんな言葉言うとなさけないですよ。。。pennyさま_November 20

2008-01-31T00:02:00.000Z

日本に帰りたい。。。別府で温泉に入りたい。。桜を見たい。。とんこつラーメンを食べたい。。梅干のおにぎりを食べたい。。
昔の自分に戻りたい。。昔の勇気を探したい。。探す力をくれ。。くれないか、誰かに？。。くれないよ確かにーー

We Moved.....

2008-01-02T23:53:00.000Z

Please Visit us at our new site.

www.tellmesometingexciting.spaces.live.com

時間がない私は。。

2007-11-02T10:50:00.000Z

心中一道美丽的伤

2007-10-07T00:28:00.000+01:00

你的人生已经到了一个段落。可是我并不坚强因为到现在我依然放不下。我不敢相信我们再也见不到了。我不敢告诉自己我再也听不到你叫我了。我的哭泣你都听到了吗。。我对你的思念你都知道吗。。你现在到底在哪里？我很想你，你懂吗？

告诉我你懂。告诉我你也很想念我。或者骂我吧，说我为何到现在还不能说服自己其实你比我们都难过，你比我们都舍不得，你比我们更想留下来。回来你听到没有。

我陪着你走完了你人生最后的最后你都知道吗？我一直都没放开你的手，不停地在你身边为你祈祷你都感觉到了吗？这也不过是我唯一能为你做的吧。还有一句我一直都没有勇气告诉你的事，对不起，对不起我有一段日子没有办法在你身边。真的很对不起。到现在我依然还能感觉到你握着我的手和你的声音，就不要让我忘记吧

没有你我不会是今天的我，对你的感谢，敬爱，我虽然没说可是你也都知道你对我有多重要吧。而我会为了你，真心对待我看的所有病人，带给他们一线希望，给他们奋斗的勇气。到时候，你一定要很骄傲懂吗。我心中的那道伤会一直为你留着。

Lucky

2007-07-16T17:55:00.001+01:00

This entry probably sounds very bimbotic, sensitive, think too much and meaningless to many. But its for this very important friend who is as incompetent as me when it comes to expressing our emotions in words. But well, i am sure he knows what I mean.

" Ya I was quite jealous, when you told me that you are quite close to X, and I realise you tell X everything, just like you would tell me. But now I realise its good. Cause there is one more person to take care of you now."

This was what he told me. Having someone like him beside me all this while was probably one of the best thing that had happened to me. You dont think?

命

2007-06-28T19:19:00.000+01:00

Lets learn to be contented and live life to the fullest. Stop thinking of those 有的没有的。Firstly its very 時間もったいない。Secondly, it will make you very unhappy.

素直になれ！This is the basic respect you can give for your own life. Don't waste 这一口气that so many people out there are struggling for just in order to live so that they can see the next morning and be together with thier love ones.

人生の終わりって怖いかな。。

Facing death is not an easy task, it is probably the greatest challenge in one's entire life. So please do not make it sound as if it is something easy or simple and that we should be able to accept it just like that because it is a natural progression.

The truth is before anyone can truly accept death and be at ease with this fact, it would require enormous amount of courage and faith. The pain that they experience is immense. This pain could be physical but more so emotionally. So the next time you want to say that death is not scary and it is only natural and correct, think twice on how you can phrase what you want to say with more tact and insight. If you can't think of anything better to say, keep quiet. Have some respect for these people who are trying so hard to come to consensus with thier own death, respect the effort that they are putting in. When it comes to your turn and you are not afraid and you think it is not scary and not upsetting, then it is really great but right now respect others and emphatise.

I could be wrong, so pardon me.

欲哭无泪

2007-06-23T15:15:00.000+01:00

I want to write something.

Can someone hold my hand and bring me through whatever I am about to go through. I am very scared. No, Penny! no one is going to hold your hand...wake up your idea....you are stronger than a cow and bigger than an elephant....

okie....i will try very hard....but please prepare alot of tissue paper and a shoulder for me to cry...

I thought I could write something better than this....

2007-06-20T17:50:00.000+01:00

我回来了。可是我笑不出来。我不知道要写设么，我真的笑不出来，真的。

あなたへ

2007-06-16T19:45:00.000+01:00

Time flies. This is such a cliche phrase and I apologise for not being able to find a better alternative.

It is going to be the last day, or at least for a very long period of time before I will see this friend in Leicester again. The feeling of knowing that someone is leaving is an awkward feeling.

Be it a friend leaving UK to go back home or someone who is leaving forever, we always are afraid of what is going to happen without this person in our lives. But deep down somewhere we all know that life will still be the same even when people leave. Even when we are left alone, life will eventually be the same cause we are like cells, in fact we are made of cells and thus we adapt to our environment. Initially some cells become stress and they die when the environment changes...but other cells undergo metaplasia and they adapt. This is how we become resistant and stronger mentally with age and experience even if that means being jaded.

It was a cocktail of feelings when I met that friend today. I have been so use to having this person around. Though we are not talking everyday or hanging around like superglue..the presence of this friend had somewhat given me quite a bit of strength.

Well....I am not exactly upset because there is nothing essentially to be upset about in fact we should be happy. But it is just a weird feeling, a very omoi feeling... chotto sabishii gurai kana....This friend has always been a phone call away no matter what time of day. Always there to listen to my complains, always there to tell me stupid things so that i can pretend to be happy and laugh. And you know me...the more I pretend the more real it becomes.

I feel very nasakenai...but for those times that I needed help for the most ridiculous things from toilet paper to light bulb, I am really glad, this friend was around...for those times I needed to cry, I am thankful this friend is always listening on the other side of the phone and saying nothing except that I should stop crying because I sound horrible and all those words about how ugly and dirty I am....All this made me laugh amidst my tears and pain...Thankful was a lie. I just didnt want to sound too mushy....I felt more than thankful, much more.

Leicester is not going to be the same without this friend....for awhile.....but eventually it will be. We make new friends and we find new things to do but that doesnt mean I will not forget this very dependable and good friend and of course I will keep this friendship for as long it can last. Just like cells, we have acquired immunity, we change to adapt but we do not forget. Not a very smooth analogy but bear with it.

Okie I just walked up from my friends room. Okie closing the door behind and knowing that its going to be last time I visit this friend at the room feels weird. tada no tomodachi nandakedo...kitto sabishii ni naru da mo ne watashi ha, kare ga inai toki ni. kare mou sou omotterkureru kana....

For you.

watashi no daiji na tomodachi ni....ii kotoba wo anata no mae ni hazukashii kara ienai kedo, hontou ha anata wo shiawase ni natte hoshii desu, koi no koto mo, shigoto no koto mo ne.

自慢な写真を見せます

2007-06-15T21:00:00.000+01:00

Which one is better? I think the first one is great....! Its looks so me!

もしもの話Part 2

2007-06-15T20:47:00.000+01:00

もう一回Part 1を読むと、自分を言った事は厳しい過ぎると思いますよ。
皆はどう思ってるかな？

前だけを見て、進めなさい

2007-06-15T17:17:00.000+01:00

私は今日からそうします。。過去を忘れて、強くなって、前に進めます。今からなんにを起こしても、超えていきます。もっと、もっと自分の目標を考えて、叶えるように頑張っていきます。

soreto....saikin sugoku kizuita kedo...atashi...eigo de jibun no kimochi wo arawasenai desu...nande daro...nanka...okashii sore de hazukashiin desu....hoka no hito ni tottara sugoku hen to omoimasu kedo hontouni sou ni nacchau desu...eigo de jibun no kimochi wo kakitai kedo....dekinai....dare ni mo atashi no kangae wo tsutaerarenai you ni natta....mawari ha nihongo shabereru hito ga amari inai dakara chotto kurushii....eigo tte sa....tsuyoi sugi to omowanai? watashi no kimochii tte sonna ni komakai kana. dareka tasukete kudasai.

translate this to english !!

頭いたい

2007-06-12T21:02:00.000+01:00

なんか。。。人間は食べないと死ぬだよね！あたし今頭いたい。。メッチャ痛いなんですけど。。何でだろ？ちゃんとたべたなのに！！

とりあえず、痛いです。おなかも痛い。目も痛い。鼻も痛い、耳も痛い、口も痛い。それと、心臓も痛い。。手も痛い、足も痛い、痛い！！！！全身いたいです！！誰か、そんななさけないわたくしを助けてくれませんか？くれ！なんでもくれ。。

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!　

Hello kitty is a species of its own. It is not a cat. It is hello kitty. Hello kitty is 5 apples tall and 3 apples heavy. She was born on 1st Nov. Hello kitty's family includes her father, Geroge white, her mother, Mary white. Her grandparents, anthony and magaret white. Her sister mimmy white. Hello kitty's favourite food is her mother's apple pie. She loves english and piano. Hello kitty has a mouth, her mouth is under her fur.

Believe me.

やべぇぇぇぇ

2007-06-12T15:58:00.000+01:00

私の頭はどこに行っちゃったの？もううう。。。逃げた。。。頭が逃げちゃった。。

Ashita yaro,baka yaro...

2007-06-09T23:16:00.000+01:00

This is my favourite song....If you haven heard I can teach you how to sing next time.....Thanks ニーック！＝）

もしもの話　Part1

2007-06-08T21:37:00.000+01:00

もしもの話か。。

実は、もしもの話なんか、すかんだもあたしは。。。なぜ皆もしもの話するとわからなかった。。思ってる事とやりたい事を、やればいいじゃ。。それならもしもの話は必要ないじゃないですか？

やりたいことをやってないから後悔してる、それか自分がやりたいことを怖いと思ってるから進む勇気がない、結局人にもしもの話するしか何にもできない。まぁ、後悔してるほどじゃないかもしれんけど、少しでも悔しいな気持ちがあったんじゃない？

もしもの話するのは自信を持てない症状と思います。

ほかの人に気持ちや考えを伝えたい、自分にもう一度相手から励ましたい、認めたいだからもしものはなししたんじゃないですか？それと。。もし相手から、“私もそうしたかったな”、“もしそうしたら良かったな”と言ってくれましたら，必ずほっとする。それで自分が“良かったな。。わたしひとりじゃなかった”と思ってしまう。それでいいの？

half a chicken!

2007-06-07T15:16:00.000+01:00

Nandos....half a chicken. fries and coleslaw.....and i still can eat....i think my stomach as stretched....QY only ate half a chicken.....Seriously if it was 1 chicken, I think I would have been able to finish it as well. ok mayb not but still.

I just got to know that a fren and another fren broke up. They were one of those couples I thought might be together for real, but seems like i am always wrong when it comes to this kind of things. Anw, the main point is one of them got a job in Merril lynch. Why is everyone going into banking? apparently salaries are massive now in the banking industry....and these people who are getting these massive salaries are.......my friends. My age.

Sigh....while I am sitting here feeding my little blog almost everyday....with uninteresting stories about my poor student life, people are making big money everywhere else. Well....but i have nothing to complain....I am happy with writing about how much chicken and TWIX I had today....But I just wish and pray that I will become a more diligent student..

Power Rangers

2007-06-06T07:49:00.000+01:00

I have plans to change my air tickets back home to the 18th of June. Its a sudden plan but not so sudden. I thought I could wait, but seems like there is not much time now. Its the only thing I can do. I need to speak to the school. And I will be missing the entire ethics week which is compulsory and I also will notbe getting my results. and I am abit worried about that.

But, I really need this bloody courage to go tell the school. I need to go back. MUST. I need alot of power and strength!!! Give me some power ranger!

Today. 今日.

2007-06-05T22:37:00.000+01:00

10 things I did today....

1o things is about the maximum number of things i did today...

1. Watched the entire drama, 'Attention Please'. Its about some air-stewardess.Well I like the male lead inside...but even being the male lead he only appeared like minimal..."maybe its cos the show is about air-stewardess" .....baka

2. I ate one packet of tom yam maggi mee...then decided I shall leave my pot in the sink....for something exciting to grow inside..

3. I was talking to sarah....and she was telling me how much fun she is having an immunology lab in osaka university. Listening to her stories about DNA extraction, PCR, ELISA, SDS-page....I suudenly...well not suddenly...more like always....feel like doing lab work too...

4. I repeat watch 'Attention Please'. I got this new habit recently.....i keep re-watching shows that I have watched b4. and I leave it playing for 24 hours on my small little lap top....so that it becomes so hot....it helps to keep me warm in this cold weather.

5. Actually I was lying about the cold weather...the weather is very warm now...!!! so warm I think my labtop fan haxe decided to go to heaven. The keyboard is so hot, its making me feverish

6. I went to visit fuji tv website to look for the names of other dramas......that I have missed....to realise there is nothing exciting....rather I cant find them uploaded

7. Then...there is this corner on fuji telebi website on fortune-telling...ha....I decided to click on it...cos the button is so colourful and cute....okie that was a lie...haha.....it didnt tell me anything interesting...that was a lie too.....

8. Stop lying PENNY! Okie. Then i decided to check out the bread on my table....since my pot is dirty and my hair is too messy for me to get to the kitchen. My half a loaf of bread is going expire today...never mind.....I will freeze it!

9. I continue to lie on my bed.....pretending to sleep.....

10. I fell asleep after 1 hour of pretending....=)

Very interesting day right...

初デート

2007-06-02T20:36:00.000+01:00

”じゃぁ。。これは初デートなんだ！！”

えぇぇ。。。初デートが。。私もデートしたい！誰かさそってくれ！したい！！遊びたい！！このままじゃ、わたしがなくなるよ！！助けてくれ！！I WANT TO GO デート！！I dont want to 自分の部屋でChocoたべる！

涙の前に

2007-06-02T07:49:00.000+01:00

きゅに、この言葉って言うか歌の名前を思い出した。。だけね。ははぁ！

１リットルの涙

2007-05-30T17:46:00.000+01:00

Congratulations! I have changed my playlist....No more七月歌台songs..... :)

同情はなんに？

2007-05-30T12:29:00.000+01:00

同情なら悪いですか？

ただほかの人の悲しみや気持ちをちゃんとわかりたい。。支えてあげたいだけですって言ってくれた。。

これは同情の純粋な意味のかな？だけど。。どうやって同情を普通な気持ちで受け取れるかな？

私は同情なんかあまり好きじゃないって言うか。。同情をほかの人からさせられた時、なにをすればいいのかわからないです。。怒るわけないし。。喜ぶわけでもないだよね。。だから困る。。それと。。少しいでも自分のことはかわいそうと思ってしまうだから。。みんなからの同情をいただきたくないね！

それで。。わがままですか？こどもぽいな考えがたかな？

知らん

強い女は可愛くない

2007-05-30T11:55:00.000+01:00

だけど、これはしょうがないじゃないでしょう。。毎日泣くわけないじゃ。。わたしはやっぱ強くなりたい。。

強い女は可愛くない＝Girls who are strong are not cute

まぁ。。Doudemoii けど。。。Haha..しょうがないだよ。。しょうがない！

Just by choosing 8 colours they told me.....

2007-05-29T19:31:00.000+01:00

You are seeking protection against anything which might seem to be exhausting you or tiring you out. It would appear that you are seeking a life of security and physical ease, free from any problem or disturbance.

You are working extremely hard trying to improve your image. You need for those people in positions that matter to recognise your potential and to acknowledge you.

You are a very choosy person - demanding and exacting in your emotional demands and very particular in your choice of partner. You are self-sufficient and as a result of this overbearing nature you find it difficult to establish any depth of deep physical or mental involvement with members of the opposite sex.

The unwanted situation in which you presently find yourself is causing you considerable stress and frustration and your feeling is that whatever you try to do to remedy this is to no avail. You feel trapped. You want to get away from it all as you feel that you are banging your head against a brick wall getting nowhere. You have turned your aggression inwards and you are furious with yourself for not being able to achieve your goals. You need to go away, somewhere where there are less restrictions and where you can be free to make your own decisions.

You feel worn out - you have no energy and your depleted vitality has created intolerance for any further stimulation. You feel inadequate and this subjects you to agitation, irritation and acute distress from which you try to escape by refusing further direct participation. You have become very wary and cautious but you have an inner strength. You have that determination to get your own way and succeed in the end.

Suprising just by picking 8 colours, this report is almost 100% true...

I am a happy person inherently but under chronic stress. I like the last part....about the inner strength make me sound like super dumbo elephant.....STRONG AND HARDY!!

救命！

2007-05-26T21:30:00.000+01:00

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

A T C G

あ　い　う　え　お
か　き　く　け　こ
た　ち　つ　て　と
さ　し　す　せ　そ
ま　み　む　め　も
は　ひ　ふ　へ　ほ
な　ね　ぬ　ね　の
ら　り　る　れ　ろ
や　ゆ　よ
わ　
（あと、何にがある？わすれたぁぁ！！)

I went to the supermarket and bought 2 packet of Twix today. There is 7 of them in a pac and 1 pac is only 1.28 pounds! So cheap!!! Soon I will have a love-hate relationship with Twix....Life is not about Nutella anymore!!! Now life is about tearing the Tiix wrapper and gooble the 2 fingers of TWIX into my STOMACH!!!

Btw some facts about Twix, one finger is 148 kcal. sounds like not very fat hor....BUT I TELL YOU! it is very 肥! but its better than snickers....snickers is by far the most Fei-ta-ningchocalate but its so chunky and worth the money....sometimes u just cant help but want to choose them over floppy skinny TWIX.

(fei-ta-ning= fat + fatal)

I love to talk about all this NONSENSE. it makes me feel happy and smart....it makes me wanna laugh at my own weirdness too.....

Do you think I am weird??? TELL ME and I will buy u sweets.....oh many of u must be tired of sweets now....OK i shall be generous..... I will BUY u TWIX!!

I really dont want to write anything on my blog today BUT

2007-05-21T19:45:00.000+01:00

I have to say something about this song....the first song on my playlist.....きよしのソーラン節(kiyoshi no so-ran kai) by 氷川きよし(Hikawa Kiyoshi) ....haha...This is one cute song. I dunno about you....but it makes me laugh....hahaha.....Okie I have to admit I am into Japanese enka...so forgive me if u are totally disgusted....Brilliant Song!!

Btw....the singer is in his 20s....not old at all....and he is really good with this enka(演歌) thing...

氷川きよし大好き！

Infective Endocarditis

2007-05-20T13:36:00.001+01:00

Dont write me off from the movie music and lyrics

Simple song, simple melody, simple lyrics. So simple, Good for penny. I like. haha. Go listen!

Thanks splinter hemorrhages!!

My handphone started playing jap songs during lecture today. Very loudly

2007-05-18T17:17:00.000+01:00

Ten things about me.

1. Hello kitty is not a cat. Its a species of its own.

2. I hate it when people ask me what are my hobbies. because I dun have any and so if i say i dun have any...they will say oh come on I am sure u have some. Then I will say...okie i like to eat, sleep, laugh and talk. Then they go....oh ya hahah...me too (who doesnt?) People tend to have a misconception that it is only normal to have hobbies. Assumptions!

3. I am still combing my hair with a kerokerokeropi brush that I had for the past 15 years but only started using it 5 yrs ago. I lurp kerekerokeropi....the reason y its called kerokerokeroppi is cause, when it talks it goes "kero kero kero"

4. Singing a birthday song for me with a birthday cake during my birthday party is equivalent to pushing my face directly into the birthday cake. (Therefore i never had and will have bday parties)

5. I have an appetite of a cow. I believe we have 2 compartment in our stomach, one for sweet stuff and one for salty.

6. I am inherently a very childish person though I try not to not make it seem so apparent. I try.

7. I have a jade bangle on my left hand permanently. I decided that at the age of 21 I should add something onto myself. So jade bangle was it. Somehow i think i can carry it off. I think. By the way its turning greener these days. could be the fungus though...=)

8. I like to use the words majide and doudemoii. Majide means "really?" and doudemoii means "whatever". The english version of these words sounds very harsh and manly. Therefore I think the japanese version is more appropriate to describe how I feel most of the time. I am a very gentle person if you didnt realise...:)

9. I am a very uncomplicated person. I dont think into depth when it comes to daily living. People usually assume too much about my character, they think i should be more than what is appearing in front of them. Dun assume.

10. After reading all the above 9 points, people usually end up saying " I think she is probably lying..." or " haha....its one of her nonsense" Which group do you belong to?

ありがとうございました。。

2007-05-16T22:34:00.000+01:00

Thank you..彼!! 彼is very good 友達。何でも聴いてくれた。Very良かったよ。

Burn Down the Nutella Factory now....!

2007-05-14T19:40:00.000+01:00

Majide...!! you mean I actually looked like that a few months ago....so skinny!??!...For your information I look like an elephant now...!!! :)

Dont miss the train.

2007-05-13T18:44:00.000+01:00

I pray for those who are ill, for those in pain, for those fighting to stay alive. I pray for those whose loved ones are suffering. I pray. I pray that they have the strength and courage to face whatever they are given. I pray for those who are sick to fight the disease, to face death with calmness and peace. I pray that they will learn to accept death. I pray that they feel the warmth of the people around them. I pray that at this last stage of thier lives, they reflect on thier lives and realised that it has not been a waste. I pray they remember all the good things that have happened and leave with a contented heart.

I pray that the tears will stop. I pray that the pain will heal. I pray for man to understand what these people are going through and to be a pillar of support for them. I pray for man to realise that life is not all about being the first in class, not all about being rich, not all about winning, not all about ourselves. Life to some is about staying alive, staying to see the next morning. Life to others is about praying for their loved ones to see the next morning.

Life to me is to see him through his final challenge and to hold his hand and tell him not be scared, to tell him that he is always in heart and always will be. To tell him that he is the best thing that ever happened to me, to tell him that I will be strong even without him.

Life is about giving hope. What is life to you?

2007-05-12T13:54:00.000+01:00

母の日ありがとうございます！

忘れないんでね。。お母さんにありがたい気持ちを伝えなさい

空まで飛べるはず

2007-05-10T17:20:00.000+01:00

幼い微熱を下げられないまま　神様の影を恐れて
隠したナイフが似合わない僕を　おどけた歌でなぐさめた
色褪せながら　ひび割れながら　輝くすべを求めて

君と出会った奇跡が　この胸にあふれてる
きっと今は自由に空も飛べるはず
夢を濡らした涙が　海原へ流れたら
ずっとそばで笑っていてほしい

切り札にしてた見えすいた嘘は　満月の夜にやぶいた

はかなく揺れる　髪のにおいで　深い眠りから覚めて

君と出会った奇跡が　この胸にあふれてる
きっと今は自由に空も飛べるはず
ゴミできらめく世界が　僕たちを拒んでも
ずっとそばで笑っていてほしい

君と出会った奇跡が　この胸にあふれてる
きっと今は自由に空も飛べるはず
夢を濡らした涙が　海原へ流れたら
ずっとそばで笑っていてほしい

This was my favourite song 5 years ago. And for the past 5 years I have totally forgotten about its existance until I heard it playing on Sarah's laptop last month. "Penny...remember this song? Its our favourite!!!" she said and I was like.....yeah actually I do.....

After Sarah left, I secretly went to look for this song in my ancient MD player under my chunk of notes and biscuits wrappers. Although I found it, I was reluctant to listen to it again because of the overdose 5 years ago. But when I finally pressed the play button, memories came gushing back to the front my puny brain. I was thankful I pressed the button and re-visited that compartment in my brain that was left untouched all these years. Untouched because, too many new things have been coming along my way and I have forgotten about those that I once treasured and loved dearly. Thankful because I earned 5 minutes of happy memories that I have lost for 5 years.

The feeling I had while listening to this song was like flipping through a photo album of me wtih someone who is no longer around. I can almost feel the happiness and sweetness while looking at the album, but once I reach final page just like when the song ended, whats left behind is only, NOW.

The reason why I did not want to press the play button in the start was not because of the overdose I realised. It was because I was afraid of facing the fact that what will be left in front of me once the song ended is NOW.

Throughout these years, I have learnt to acknowledge the fact that people leave us and memories will just remain as memories. Nevertheless, at any one point in life, we will be left with our memories, ourselves and NOW so be grateful that at least we still have NOW to play around with.

誰かに。。

2007-05-10T12:05:00.001+01:00

桜と関係ないけど。。。

誰か。。私の弱さを教えてくれないか？？教えてください！！

試験のStressで私はもうすぐ死ぬと思います。まぁぁ。。死ぬわけないやんな。。だけどぉぉぉストレス！！！このストレスを殺したい、つぶしたい。ストレスにおならをしたい。。はは。。楽しい！！

ね。。今の私もしかしてちょっと精神病ぽい。。。あぁぁ。。。やっぱ精神病だ。
良かったね。。ペニーちゃん。よくやった

変　

ペニーへ

2007-05-08T18:20:00.000+01:00

"Please dont be a 大头虾。。。"

Aunty Jeanより

Title-less

2007-05-07T22:04:00.000+01:00

This is going to be the first blog I have ever written and it could well be the last as well.

I have never believed in this blogging thing and I have never thought I would ever need one...but who knows really....who knows about anything.

Its the exam period and instead of reading my ever so exciting anatomy textbook, I have been doing everything else but that....ya tell us something we dont know penny.

The objective of this blog is to bring out the most baka baka shi penny....so if you are going to tell me you are not impress about what i m going to write in this virtual space.....then I am going to tell you i am not impressed either.

I am a very angry person today. Anger is oozing out every single pore in my body. Maybe its exam stress but its not a valid reason. Oh then again penny. it could jolly well be PMS....cant be....not anywhere near at all.

Angry because I had a pointless argument with a friend. It was so pointless I have no idea how it started, why it started, then how it ended and what was the conclusion to that quarrel. Neither do I know what the both of us were aiming at. Well at least from my point of view, I think i am trying to make things as clear as glass noodles but apparently its mudding the water according to my friend. Sorry but I am a little shocked over here.

I guess I felt more insulted after having a serious conversation with this friend. Because my friend also told me..." I know you are more affected about this thing than I am....so you can do whatever you want to do" "I just feel that all these things you have said and thought its all nonsense penny" "I am not going to read your email because I think its all bull" WOah woah woah....those were brillant statements isnt it. But I guess I shouldnt be too proud the fact that by attempting to express myself and to clear misunderstandings, things appear to be a piece of bullshit to this someone I call a friend....I mean whats wrong with me....Issit the excessive mackeral or nutella. Then again, is the problem me?

Frankly, I do not know how to react to those statements. SO I laughed. hahaha..... Its funny because at that moment, I was stuck...stuck in my laughter....Funny but not so funny.

Friends come and go. I try my best to make them stay happily when they are still a friend. but the question is, how should I react to friend who despite knowing my buttons, push them...actively. Seriously, I may be a little strange here and there, but generally normal and big hearted I would say. I do not in anyway deserve such treatment, expecially from this friend. Then again,I could be lying about the fact that I am normal and NICE. But you have eyes, and you know the truth.

But the queer thing is.....All these episodes with this friend is so much of a de javu. Well, I have been through this exact same process of quarreling, bickering and screaming with someone else too. Someone else who I now call my close friend. Its going to be a very very tedious process to know a person even if its just a friend and I am a lazy person. So....after all these venting of my anger, the conclusion is we shall let time tell.

Though i am not someone who likes to let time tell me things....because I rather tell time what I want, just to make sure. Sometimes you just have to trust, Penny.

Period.