Sitting here in my tiny, dirty, mesy room, looking out of the window, I can only see one pathetic view, the foggy misty cloudy skies of England. Apart from staring out of the window, most of my time is then spent either staring at this little computer screen, watching some taiwan drama series that I have no idea what they are rambling about but still watching because I think the male lead is cute or lying in bed dreaming about what is for dinner. Then, I start to wonder, is it the view outside that is pathetic or issit me....Well its probably both.
After convincing myself that I am an absolute shame, I decided to go one step further by posing a question to myself. Have I chosen the right path? This is a stupid question and the only reason why I ask myself, is to try to reflect on my life decisions these 24 years to show that I have actually achieve something or shall I say that it is an excuse for me to doubt my decisions and to complain about life in general.
Creative but What a shame really.....what a shame.
A very random comment but for those who claim that they know me well but still love to say that I am smart, intellingent and clever..please think wisely again. I will be more than happy to hear something less superficial than that. Thus if you are unable to give more insighful statements about me.. please do not attempt to try. Here I am talking about people who claim they know me well....for those who dont, it doesnt matter...
There is something different about me the past few months. To my suprise, I realise that I have actively been trying to dismiss the truth that I am not in anyways simple or weak because I wanted to become a milder person and see if I could meet people of a different sort. And I am sure you believe me when I say it was to my suprise...
First, I tried to think that everything should be simple. EVERYTHING. Second, I convinced myself that I could not handle and showed extreme dislike for people with weird intentions or people who tried to challenge my intentions. Third, I think I tried to be nice and attempted to please everyone. Actually to my suprise as well... I wanted to think I was only 15.
I am fortunately or unfortunately none of the above. I probably have also tried to convince myself and others that my purpose in life is to be happy and rich. But this are complete lies. Being rich or living each day blissfully alone will not satisfy me. Or shall I say, I define blissful and happiness in a different way. And I need now to get these definitions back on track before I screw things further.
All these resulted in me becoming extremely undecisive and easily affected by comments from others and have no brain of my own....All because I wanted to change my strong personality to become someone more mild and approachable. Bye to that image, its not my favourite and it will never be.
If you could read between the lines, you probably have already realised I am not very approchable neither am I frail or undemanding. Well having said that, there are things that I want to keep simple in life and there are things that I don't mind letting nature take its course. But I think I need to now realise that everything can be kept simple and everything can wait for fate to enlighten me....but it must not in anyways compromise my work and my ambition. These are 2 very separate entities that should never be mixed with other components in my life.
Conclusion is seriously, I think its the long hair....
Good news is....long hair is gone.
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